


Grace

by JulesTheQuirky



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Human Castiel, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 19:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16771513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JulesTheQuirky/pseuds/JulesTheQuirky
Summary: Your mom friends insisted you take a night out and Castiel won’t let you say no. So you go, leaving Castiel alone.





	Grace

**Author's Note:**

> Begins with Reader POV, then Castiels and finally back to the readers.

You were going to leave Castiel on his own with the baby. You didn’t know what the hell had been going through your mind during the time. Maybe it was your friends persuading you to have dinner with them, or Castiel pushing you for it. He kissed you on the forehead holding your two week old daughter, as you shouldered your bag. Your hand lingered on his, your thumb rubbing the backs of his fingers, your eyes meeting his bright blue ones.

Your eyes dropped to the little lady swaddled in a light pink blanket. She was asleep. Your heart swelled ten times the size and all you wanted was to head upstairs and change and spend your evening with your daughter and Castiel.

“Maybe I should cancel?”

He shook his head.

“Nice try. But you know you’ll never hear the end of it. From yourself or your friends. And I’ll never hear the end of it.”

“But-”

“Go. Have fun. We’ll be here when you get back.”

You took a breath and nodded. You leaned down and kissed her soft head. You stroked her tufts of hair and looked at Castiel.

“Go, honey.” he whispered.

You turned feeling your heart rip a little. You opened the door and headed.

“Say bye bye to Mommy.”

You turned your head and smiled, seeing him holding her and waving his free hand.

“Bye Gracie. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

You beamed. And blew a kiss to Castiel.

“I love you too, my angel.”

You stepped into the taxi patiently waiting and headed off to your night out.

*

Castiel closed the door the behind him and leant against it. He had no idea what he was doing. He had pushed you for this night out. Your friends had been so excited to hear about your daughter. They helped throw the biggest baby shower you had seen and were now demanding a night out as a group of mothers, but they hadn’t comprehended your intense attachment to your new daughter.

When you had broached the subject he wanted to say no. He could have easily said it. You had been biting your lip, debating. You had wanted to , but you also didn’t. He couldn’t be the one to pull you back from things so he had told you to go. He told you he and Gracie would be fine for one night. He promised. Until you relented. Reluctantly.

He didn’t know a thing. And he was scared. Scared of screwing up. Scared of letting you down. He had to prove himself and this was his only chance. He had hung up his halo and wings for this and given up his grace. Y/N had caught him one day, before Gracie had been born looking at his trench coat and blue tie, sighing.

“You miss it, don’t you.”

He had turned around to you, looking at your slightly saddened expression.

“Of course not.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Castiel” You had softly said.

He had looked at your huge round belly and took your hands in his.

“I gave it up for you.”

“You didn’t have to.”

“ I know, I wanted to. It was for the best. For safety. You and me start anew. No angels. No demons. No monsters. No hunting. You didn’t make me, Y/N. And you need to stop feeling guilty. It won’t do you any good. Or the baby.”

He had placed his hands on your belly and waited. The baby kicked hard where his hands were. You closed your eyes quickly from the pain and looked at him, your lips curving into a smile. His eyes twinkled and he laughed. It was musical.

He looked down at Grace, asleep on his chest. He felt each of her tiny little breaths on his shirt. And for that moment, the panic subsided.

It was hard adjusting to regular life. He was suspicious of everybody. And he had asked for his old job back at the Gas-N-Sip. Nora had welcomed him back with open arms. He came clean to her, telling her his name wasn’t Steve. It was Castiel. She had helped him immensely, preparing him for fatherhood. She and Y/N had become fast friends, sharing pregnancy stories and where to go for the best but affordable baby bits.

He still slept with his angel blade under his pillow and he knew Y/N had weapons stored somewhere in the house.

They were truly never out of it.

He loved her, had fell in love with her as she slipped out from between Y/N legs. He loved Y/N, but this was a different kind of love. He vowed to protect her. To protect them both. He had to. Watching her birth had been fascinating and scary. Y/N had been in so much pain and slicked with sweat that he worried constantly. He wished he could have taken your pain away with the touch of his hand. You had held his hand with an incredible strength. With each push and cry from Y/N she became closer and closer to the world. When she did enter the world he had found his grace he had given up. It was her.

She was covered in mucus and blood and she had amazing lungs for something so tiny. And when she was placed on Y/N breast, Y/N looked up at him, crying with joy, he pressed his forehead to yours and stroked the sweat slicked hair from your cheek.

“You were amazing, I’m so proud.”

His heart expanded when he held her for the first time. The nurses took photos of him with the baby and Y/N with her.

Was this what it meant to be human? Love and family? And the fear of failure strong in him.

He brought Gracie into the front room. It felt empty without Y/N. He had become so used to your presence he felt all alone. With you, the worry and the panic didn’t creep up as much as the times he was alone. He had no clue over baby products. You had looked to him for help and he couldn’t bring himself to tell you he didn’t know the difference. So in the end you both had ended up on one product and then had to return it to it being the wrong item you needed. He knew then you didn’t have a clue either. Weirdly it warmed him. He wasn’t alone in this.

He pressed a light kiss to her head.

When you had told him you were pregnant he had been struck by a cold dread. He hadn’t known how to respond. And clearly frozen silence was not the way to go. He then made excuses and abruptly left, leaving you on your own. He had barely lived as a human. He barely knew how to survive and now he had a responsibility for a tiny human incapable of any of the things he could just about do.

Gracie had been the result of a one night stand, but that didn’t mean he loved her any less. Dean had told him you had cried non-stop for the weeks he was away. You had considered a termination. It kicked his paternal instincts and he had abruptly ended the call. After weeks of thinking. He couldn’t think any more. He had hurt you. Had hurt his future offspring by walking out on you. He knew what he had to do. He promised to you to make a ‘go of it’ with you and would stand beside you on everything. You hadn’t trusted him at first until he had mentioned giving up his grace.

“I’ll give it up, Y/N, for you. For the baby. I’ll stay human.”

You had shook your head.

“I can't, Cas, that’s what makes you you.”

“I’m not asking for your permission, Y/N, I’m telling you. I don’t want anything if it means I can't have you. And I don’t need my grace. I’m giving it up, for you. For the baby. For us. I have deep feelings for you and I can't give them up, I want to explore what this means. I felt his way when I was an angel. Please Y/N I’m begging you. Let me prove it to you.”

And you had let him.

You moved to Rexford, Idaho after saying goodbye to Sam, Dean and Kevin. They threw a going away party/baby shower. They were sad to see you go but glad you had found a way out of the hunting life. They promised to visit you after the baby was born.

Gracie stirred, yawned and opened her eyes. She looked up and he looked down and smiled at her. He couldn’t get over how blue her eyes were, like his. Y/N wanted her to keep her daddy’s eyes.

She was quiet. He didn’t know whether or not this was normal. He had read seventy four books on child rearing and none of them had helped much. She looked at him with her blue eyes and yawned.

“You’re being very quiet tonight. Is that normal?” He fished his phone out of his pocket and debated on whether or not he should text Y/N.

He didn’t get time to think more as below Gracie started whining. He hushed her as he had seen Y/N do before. He swayed with her in his arms, but her whine turned into a cry.

“I’m here, daddy’s here. Uh, um,” He began to panic. He had never been alone when Grace was crying. “Look at what’s happening to me, I can’t believe it myself, suddenly I’m up on top of the world, it should have been somebody else,”

He stood up, letting her blanket unravel. Her legs kicked out and her tiny hands stretched out. He sniffed quickly but couldn’t smell anything other than baby powder. Her tiny face crunched up as she cried and he wished he could communicate with her, to know what she needed. Being an angel had been useful.

“Believe it or not, I’m walking on air, I never thought I could feel so free. Flyin’ away on a wing and a prayer. Who could it be? Believe it or not it’s just me.”

Gracie’s crying subsided and he picked up his phone he had hastily put down. Nothing. No texts. No calls. No nothing. Maybe Y/N was finding this easier than he was. He pocketed his phone and walked over to Gracie’s cot. He bent, about to put her in, but she cried. She was against this idea.

“Okay,” He looked at the clock on the wall. It wasn’t even eight. He sighed and looked down at his daughter. “You miss mommy? I know. I miss her too. I didn’t realise how different it would be on my own. I baby sat for your mommy’s friend, a little more than nine months ago. That was hard. This is nothing like it. But I love you. I watched you come into this world kicking and screaming. Kinda like how you are now and I made a vow to protect you. Maybe I’m doing it all wrong. Maybe we both are. I get told it will get easier. I think they’re lying. It won’t. Because you’ll change just when we’re getting used to you. You’ll improve everyday and we’ll be scrambling after you.”

Gracie was quiet. He stroked his baby’s head noting she had gone to sleep.

*

You checked your phone as you hid in the bathroom. He hadn’t called. Or texted. And it bugged you. You had wanted him to call. You missed her, missed being with them both. Before you knew it tears were stinging at the corners of your eyes, begging to be free. You let them out. How was he having such an easy time with this? Maybe he knew what he was doing. Maybe he actually knew anything about bringing a child up, because you didn’t have a clue.

You had been overjoyed and a little more than in love with Castiel when you both shared a night together. Dean had gone out, to a bar most likely and you had been left alone with Castiel. You hadn’t minded. When his fingers touched yours you had looked at him.

“One night is all we need.”

You had nodded.

Castiel was a good lover. He cared for you. He was attentive and took things slow and you had never felt more alive.

When you had missed a period, you hadn’t been worried. You could have been late. But when it interfered with your hunting you drew the line. You were getting woozy, easily tired and sore. You had bought a drug-store pregnancy test. And it had been positive. You had dreaded telling Cas, but he deserved to know. You hadn’t told Sam and Dean. You could picture Dean’s reaction and it had made you cringe.

He had found out anyway. You hadn’t been in your room and he had looked for you. You had stupidly left the box out on your side table. When he found you he demanded to know.

“Are you?!”

You had nodded, unable to speak. He didn’t ask.

“It’s Castiel’s.”

Had looked highly confused until you explained. He pushed you to call Castiel. You hadn’t and he knew until Castiel had called with a case. Then you all went. You had slept most of the way, ate a ton of food and slept some more. Sam and Dean had relieved you of any hunting duties.

Sometime after the hunt, Sam and Dean had left you alone with Castiel. You hadn’t hesitated.

“Castiel, I’m pregnant.”

He had looked confused at first until it slowly dawned on him, then he had frozen horror on his face. He didn’t say anything.

“Cas…” You felt tears sting your eyes, felt the lump in your throat.

“I, I’m sorry- excuse me, I have to leave.”

He had looked at you one last time, this time the a few tears made their way down and turned to walk away.

“Castiel, please, don’t leave me.”

He strode to the door, opened it and walked out. You had ran to it grabbing on to the doorframe.

“I can’t do this on my own.”

He didn’t look back and you had felt your heart break. You had thought Castiel would step up. You had thought he would have offered kind words, but he hadn’t. He had said nothing and you had cried watching the man you love walk away from you.

Sam and Dean had eventually come back to find you asleep over your laptop with abortion tabs open. Dean had tried contacting Castiel but he hadn’t answered. Dean had tried assuring you that Castiel would come back.

He did, months later.

And he had begged for a chance. He wanted to make a go of it with you. And you had let him. Because you still loved him.

A knock on your toilet stall door pulled you from your reverie.

“Y/N…? Are you in there?”

You sniffed. It was Nora.

“What’s wrong?”

“I have no idea what I’m doing. I have no idea how to raise a baby. And Cas,” You sniffed and wiped tears. “He hasn’t called. He hasn’t texted. Which means he’s finding it easier than I am.”

“Y/N, Cas has no idea what he’s doing, no more than you. Trust me. I don’t know what I’m doing. All we know is how to love our daughters unconditionally.”

You stood up and unlocked your stall. You opened the door, wiping the rest of your tears away.

“You ready to head back to the table?”

You shook your head.

“I’m really sorry but I have to go home.”

Nora closed her eyes and smiled. “We should go to the park together, with the babies this time.”

You smiled. “I’d like that.”

You put a hand to her shoulder and said goodbye. You walked out of the bathroom and out made your way out the restaurant and after flagging down a taxi you were on your way home.

You unlocked the door and walked in. Castiel peered round. He was holding the baby.

“You’re not at the restaurant.”

You shook your head smiling.

“I’m not.”

You slipped off your shoes and headed to the bedroom. You changed out of your dress into something more comfortable and sat with Castiel on the couch.

Grace was asleep on his chest.

“I wanted you to call.” You admitted.

“I was waiting for you to call.”

You looked at him and smiled, then laughed.

“What’s so funny?” He enquired, looking confused from your sudden outburst.

“We really have no idea what we’re doing do we?”

He shook his head.

“But I know we’re doing it together.”

You smiled and leant your head on his shoulder, and watched as your daughter slept. He kissed your head, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you in closer.


End file.
